creativity in decline

http://www.newsweek.com/2010/07/10/the-creativity-crisis.html

people are not going to theatre- Magnetic North Festival is in financial woes and Luminato was struggling with tickets sales... can we just say
oh well! people are not interested?
what must I do... we do... to examine why people don't go
sure it relates to TV/DVD/COomputers... audiences seem to be getting increasingly literal- even the rise of documentaries is fantastic but makes abstraction and metaphor less and less something people are familiar with.

BUT what can I do? yes we need more arts education and this is a tragedy- we all KNOW math is hard- we have had to do it enough... but do we really know how hard art is when all we get is less than basic instruction and only chances to 'express ourselves' creatively but with no formal principles, skills or techniques taught...

BUT STILL
what are WE doing wrong? Is it really just marketing issues- sure there is no way that the average artist can compete with most commercial marketing giants... although the internet may be changing that

SO do I have to get all my stuff on line and attached to cute pictures of animals to market my shows? MAYBE!

WHAT ARE PEOPLE NOT GOING AND WHAT CAN I DO?

rehearsing in Amherst

,I am rehearsing Poetic License in Amherst MA

fun... great to have the time to reinvestigate the angel... my nemesis character...
it was lovely to be given the theatre to be in it all alone... and I will have more of this time this week... I think I might like theatre again. But then I have these other moments - I found myself staring at a floor lamp... basic theatre light on the floor, tape marks, wood base... I followed the taped down wire with me eyes until it disappeared behind a wing... and I thought
I could be anywhere in time or space in the last 30 years of my life... I looked around and the whole scene, the shins, the house chairs, the tape on the floor, the flat black masonite floor looked like any other theatre, any other week/month/year/city and I was suddenly sick of it all...
why? familiarity breeds contempt? Doing One Pure Longing I was pushing all the edges for myself and then had a show that was full of mess and wonder and unfinished and moments of beauty- but I was trying to do something big and different... did I/we succeed? maybe not - maybe I/we crashed and burned... will I be able to keep taking risks? I laughed out loud- cause I don't think I am capable, actually capable of doing otherwise. And I do not mean that in a pompous way- I really am not capable...
ok, maybe I am... maybe I should try to make something... purely
what? pure entertainment? I am not against entertainment- the show I am working on now is very entertaining (according to many reviews... and performances and apparently happy audiences...) but what does all that mean? Should I care about all that? Do I? can I really get my ego out of the way? Maybe it isn't about ego at all- maybe it really is about service... how to create something USEFUL, ENTERTAINING and MEANINGFUL... did I lose the first 2 trying to do the third in OPL? Joni Mitchell's last album that was so politically correct- I really did not like and I think she is a genius... does one have to TRY to work from that place to get closer to it and then let it go again and go back to the grimmy self to create and hopefully with the effort of trying to do something with deeper meaning or political/spiritual intent, then the next 'create what ya gotta create' maybe gets more meaningful???

AHHHHHHHHHH

art... really, if you don't HAVE to- do something else... way, way too hard...

vitamin D, a little sunshine!

ok sometimes its as simple as a little sunshine
i was- for some time doing this physical meditation practice walking outdoors... then sometimes I do it in a movement studio... so sun or no sun? bet it makes a huge difference... but being in theatre I spending so much time in blacked out spaces... not good, not good!

Trigeminal Neuralgia

So if I am going to tell the truth here- what I am really in the midst of re: healthy animal- is a condition that I have that comes and goes called Trigeminal Neuralgia

basically and electrical headache... varies is pain- but at its worst- like an ice pick thrown at your head... (the doctor told me 'we call them ice picks')

The headaches are a drag- but the fatigue that they cause is my main issue. It began 12 years ago and was really bad then, but now comes in less painful doses- but is starting to happen more and more frequently. I am now going to do the 'healthy animal' work
to get healthy for real! See if this work that I do - with emotional connection and awareness is HELPING or AGGRAVATING this issue. I am rehearsing for Poetic License that requires a piece of choreography that is not physically demanding in some ways- but I use a conscious connection to what I would call my nervous system to make the spastic movement of my muscles to play my sister who had (and died from) MS

Trigeminal Neuralgia is often a precursor to MS... and when I had it 12 yrs ago- they basically ASSUMED I had MS, but I never did the MRI. And I am pretty healthy and my sister has ... gone home, as she would say.

SO... do I have a mild case? Just TN and not MS? Did I avoid it by something that I am doing? Am I risking getting it by walking into the fire of playing someone with it and working physiologically???

Who knows...
but I am going to investigate...

July 8th- my birthday more private work

Had a brief session today after a long walk
simple, used toes a lot and really can feel how using the fingers/toes actively engages so much
the squeezing that the martial arts talks about
so worked INTENSELY with toes, some basic dance work and then a fast tense releasing- like neural flossing- which i really want to study/understand more

was a lot of work, but i think it released other things
then went into rehearsal...

MAr 5

Had a 25 minute session
Began on floor- under blanket- music on

Started really easily into the work… continuously finding that I was hungry to engage muscles- but as typical for me- not balanced with releasing into gravity
So kept moving back and forth- gravity… muscles… blood… gravity

TONS of pleasure… all round

Almost hit ecstasy immediately … sang occasionally- very aware of typical tension in back of neck… slowly was able to release some of it- singing improved…
Awareness of prayer- but only vaguely
Then checked time and saw I had more than I thought
- collapsed- more full release into gravity
- (lying with head/chest on coach, knees on floor- good position for me
really released, sank into right hip… lots of pain… but tolerable
stayed there and decided to try and move it…
felt that slightly nautious feeling that tells me lots of nervous system/emotion/history
simply started there in muscular engagement and tried to move it with nervous system (or whatever I mean by that!) up and out towards my hands… lots of tension
but moving/stretching tension… released into gravity- did this several times and then end with HUGE scream… new sounds for me and then released into BIG breath, holy spirit stuff and release and submission…

felt right, felt healing- not much emotion at all… mostly physiological- even the scream- which certainly had a call the police energy!

Must now remember to watch the hip

I did not have typical shaking after this… (good sign? Bad sign?) I think good sign- as I think I really released more fully than when I shake and I used gravity and breath well to ground the energy…

I now feel so much better and as usual wonder… why I don’t do this every day

I feel alert, ‘cleared’, happy…
And this really only took 20 minutes

Mar 14

Big session today
Standing with music to start… really was able to follow- with no warm up- the nerves- got out anatomy book…
Also could feel how out of shape the muscles were- could FEEL that fact- and how sluggish they are…
So clear

Then read Zen Flesh, Zen Bones, then Godfrey’s book on immunity, then Body Stories, then did more work… in hips… slow stretches and BIG deep breath- really feeling the tightness in my hips and how that affects my diaphragm

Tried to get over my prejudices about ‘cellular’ sensation and read more about that via BMC… which made me focus on blood in lungs and marriage of breath… to breath entering blood system- which I cannot feel!!! I can feel tons of sensation from breathing
And I can feel more and more detail in my blood system
But I cannot feel in a specific way air going into blood…

I can IMAGE this and use my imagination about this AS I feel breathing sensations and blood sensations… and marrying the two (something I have been working on for some time) does lead pretty fast to that tingly… oneness feeling of boundaries blurring between skin and air- and some of her language does address this directly- but that feeling still feels pretty global and non specific to me… and I am hesitant to name it… but her language does resonate with that feeling… but am I feeling my cells??? I have no idea!