tried watching animals on youtube to answer some questions
the most helpful was watching Gorillas... four legged ness and how it relates to my own four leggedness...
BUT not really able to learn much from videos
watched a chicadee earlier today- and thought- too hard to translate bird body to mine AND YET, I learned more from watching that bird than the videos
something transfers real body to real body that does not transfer over video- this is VERY important... re: why performance? especially at this time when so few go to live performance and everyone watches movies...
from chicadee I watched- the fast movements that feel like the fast - what feels like- nervous system twitching - that I still am not sure is healthy or not.... the immediate connection of breath to movement and sound... all one... must watch more animals...
trips to zoo this summer!!
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Healthy Animal May 10/11 notes
A good day in the studio
So hard to get started…
Trying to find rigour while being gentle and tender with myself and really listening to my body
I managed two sessions… one about 1.5 hrs and another about 1:15
No singing yet today, sounding though and more integrated that before… still a million miles to go on that front
Longest yet in one day
But really able to stay with the listening
I also find I can get back in (today anyway) really easily after a distraction
(running out of power on ipod or bathroom break…)
there were people next door that I could hear so I decided to work with the ipod on
then the battery started to die so I put the music on quietly
music:
first session Sigur Ros (can’t use things with text)
second ‘creature’ playlist… text mostly compatible
once I was in the work I was finding less explosive nervous system twitching- not sure why
maybe cause I am going so slowly
breath is VERY deep… it has to be
it all feels like WORK… although comes naturally
there are many moments of pain- but feels like good massage pain
and always has lots of breath, relaxed face or HUNGRY face
lots of mouth open, stretching
feels like I am really in the yawning work
fully, like never before
again- it does feel like if I were to keep doing this it would lead to a very healthy body
just really slow- as I am so out of shape- BUT feels… deep and permanent
and healing/healthy- we shall just have to be patient and see, this is not the quick fix route!
It is hard work
after the first session I laid in Cranial Sacral still point pose… with balls and legs elevated and prayed… this was perfect… and I must remember how animals stop and really rest and what I see in my students- that they MUST stop and really have moments with gravity or it gets pushed, dead ends, etc… what does it get exactly? Good question
WATCH STUDENTS WHEN THEY DO NOT DROP INTO GRAVITY
I know that when they do have a good relationship with gravity- it goes deeper, stays real and affects the observer more
And more range of emotion… I can still feel how gravity is tough for me… skin ok, breath, yes, muscular skeletal yes, blood- varies… when I do feel it – it can be very intense- almost too much (heart especially) capillaries in upper body fairly accessible
So much tension in my body- what I am feeling feels accurate and real- like I am really in me- so not always easy… at times I can feel the knowledge in my body from the movement history… other times I feel my present dead body zone- both hard
Former feels lost and long away and never fully recoverable with this new healthier perspective, the other feels so real and insurmountable… but these are just my ‘mind ‘reflecting/responding to the felt sense
really inside this place when I do not look at myself externally with minds eye or real eyes
I feel like an animal- alive, healthy, even beautiful-
It is disorienting to come back to my view of myself… which is ‘old, fat, ugly’
Because internally it does not feel that way
Although I can feel the fat- it feels like – too many sweaters on my body that get in the way…
Hard to not get goal oriented… less of it today though
Not sure if this is good or bad- but trying to stay in the moment with the felt sense
Questions from today:
How does breathing really affect adrenaline- the details – I know it slows production of- but how?
So hard to get started…
Trying to find rigour while being gentle and tender with myself and really listening to my body
I managed two sessions… one about 1.5 hrs and another about 1:15
No singing yet today, sounding though and more integrated that before… still a million miles to go on that front
Longest yet in one day
But really able to stay with the listening
I also find I can get back in (today anyway) really easily after a distraction
(running out of power on ipod or bathroom break…)
there were people next door that I could hear so I decided to work with the ipod on
then the battery started to die so I put the music on quietly
music:
first session Sigur Ros (can’t use things with text)
second ‘creature’ playlist… text mostly compatible
once I was in the work I was finding less explosive nervous system twitching- not sure why
maybe cause I am going so slowly
breath is VERY deep… it has to be
it all feels like WORK… although comes naturally
there are many moments of pain- but feels like good massage pain
and always has lots of breath, relaxed face or HUNGRY face
lots of mouth open, stretching
feels like I am really in the yawning work
fully, like never before
again- it does feel like if I were to keep doing this it would lead to a very healthy body
just really slow- as I am so out of shape- BUT feels… deep and permanent
and healing/healthy- we shall just have to be patient and see, this is not the quick fix route!
It is hard work
after the first session I laid in Cranial Sacral still point pose… with balls and legs elevated and prayed… this was perfect… and I must remember how animals stop and really rest and what I see in my students- that they MUST stop and really have moments with gravity or it gets pushed, dead ends, etc… what does it get exactly? Good question
WATCH STUDENTS WHEN THEY DO NOT DROP INTO GRAVITY
I know that when they do have a good relationship with gravity- it goes deeper, stays real and affects the observer more
And more range of emotion… I can still feel how gravity is tough for me… skin ok, breath, yes, muscular skeletal yes, blood- varies… when I do feel it – it can be very intense- almost too much (heart especially) capillaries in upper body fairly accessible
So much tension in my body- what I am feeling feels accurate and real- like I am really in me- so not always easy… at times I can feel the knowledge in my body from the movement history… other times I feel my present dead body zone- both hard
Former feels lost and long away and never fully recoverable with this new healthier perspective, the other feels so real and insurmountable… but these are just my ‘mind ‘reflecting/responding to the felt sense
really inside this place when I do not look at myself externally with minds eye or real eyes
I feel like an animal- alive, healthy, even beautiful-
It is disorienting to come back to my view of myself… which is ‘old, fat, ugly’
Because internally it does not feel that way
Although I can feel the fat- it feels like – too many sweaters on my body that get in the way…
Hard to not get goal oriented… less of it today though
Not sure if this is good or bad- but trying to stay in the moment with the felt sense
Questions from today:
How does breathing really affect adrenaline- the details – I know it slows production of- but how?
back in studio April s 2011 notes
What I am doing
Start by listening… just breath and blood and whatever else
No ‘exercises’ unless body/animal wants them
I find not so much pain
As blocks
Then yawn and stretch takes me through them
Then I hit back of neck big time
Some pain, mostly heat and block feeling and power center feeling
Today got very feral very fast… distractions:
When I realize I have to pee… the animal just wants to pee right then and there
But have to get up and go to bathroom… nuisance
(do I set up a potty?) NO
I want to have to be human and maintain what I can on the way to the bathroom
I can hold a lot of thought while in it
I can have music but cannot change a lot- keep on repeat
Feel like I land in my own asanas.. places that feel like healing stretches and they are organically full of breath… rich and satisfying
Other distraction
This-
Wanting to write about it as I am doing it… not wanting to lose the info/process/discoveries
This feels so right… and scriptural Writings come, they just pour in…
In the animal place… 'realm of being' somehow so close… and yet so feral…
It seems inevitable that this work would make me fit in an animal way… but it will be so slow as I am so out of shape but hopefully
Real and long lasting- time will tell
As I walk to bathroom I notice already my posture has shifted- wide open chest (rare for me)
And I cannot quite figure out how to walk… like something has shifted my weight, my pelvis so I can’t walk in the old way…
So hard for me to keep gravity awareness in head/neck/eyes
Still getting explosive left head turn
Sometimes I follow and sometimes I release
With breath
Not sure which way to go
Can take the impulse and follow it, tends to go same physical pattern every time and end up dropped over extended legs
Not feeling exhausting but now that I am done I do feel throbbing in back of neck
And heat
Wish I could find out about this…
Cranial sacral people?
Alexander?
Feel length in my arms as when Kate/Jessica worked with Jennifer Scanlon
Feel arch (god one) on back a la Denise Clarke
‘sense of a tail’, that opens my chest that I have felt before
feel like I can get back to a certain awareness much faster than I expected or in the past
and can come and go in and out more easily
Start by listening… just breath and blood and whatever else
No ‘exercises’ unless body/animal wants them
I find not so much pain
As blocks
Then yawn and stretch takes me through them
Then I hit back of neck big time
Some pain, mostly heat and block feeling and power center feeling
Today got very feral very fast… distractions:
When I realize I have to pee… the animal just wants to pee right then and there
But have to get up and go to bathroom… nuisance
(do I set up a potty?) NO
I want to have to be human and maintain what I can on the way to the bathroom
I can hold a lot of thought while in it
I can have music but cannot change a lot- keep on repeat
Feel like I land in my own asanas.. places that feel like healing stretches and they are organically full of breath… rich and satisfying
Other distraction
This-
Wanting to write about it as I am doing it… not wanting to lose the info/process/discoveries
This feels so right… and scriptural Writings come, they just pour in…
In the animal place… 'realm of being' somehow so close… and yet so feral…
It seems inevitable that this work would make me fit in an animal way… but it will be so slow as I am so out of shape but hopefully
Real and long lasting- time will tell
As I walk to bathroom I notice already my posture has shifted- wide open chest (rare for me)
And I cannot quite figure out how to walk… like something has shifted my weight, my pelvis so I can’t walk in the old way…
So hard for me to keep gravity awareness in head/neck/eyes
Still getting explosive left head turn
Sometimes I follow and sometimes I release
With breath
Not sure which way to go
Can take the impulse and follow it, tends to go same physical pattern every time and end up dropped over extended legs
Not feeling exhausting but now that I am done I do feel throbbing in back of neck
And heat
Wish I could find out about this…
Cranial sacral people?
Alexander?
Feel length in my arms as when Kate/Jessica worked with Jennifer Scanlon
Feel arch (god one) on back a la Denise Clarke
‘sense of a tail’, that opens my chest that I have felt before
feel like I can get back to a certain awareness much faster than I expected or in the past
and can come and go in and out more easily
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