Healthy Animal May 10/11 notes

A good day in the studio
So hard to get started…
Trying to find rigour while being gentle and tender with myself and really listening to my body

I managed two sessions… one about 1.5 hrs and another about 1:15
No singing yet today, sounding though and more integrated that before… still a million miles to go on that front

Longest yet in one day
But really able to stay with the listening
I also find I can get back in (today anyway) really easily after a distraction
(running out of power on ipod or bathroom break…)

there were people next door that I could hear so I decided to work with the ipod on
then the battery started to die so I put the music on quietly

music:
first session Sigur Ros (can’t use things with text)
second ‘creature’ playlist… text mostly compatible

once I was in the work I was finding less explosive nervous system twitching- not sure why
maybe cause I am going so slowly
breath is VERY deep… it has to be
it all feels like WORK… although comes naturally
there are many moments of pain- but feels like good massage pain
and always has lots of breath, relaxed face or HUNGRY face
lots of mouth open, stretching
feels like I am really in the yawning work
fully, like never before
again- it does feel like if I were to keep doing this it would lead to a very healthy body
just really slow- as I am so out of shape- BUT feels… deep and permanent
and healing/healthy- we shall just have to be patient and see, this is not the quick fix route!
It is hard work
after the first session I laid in Cranial Sacral still point pose… with balls and legs elevated and prayed… this was perfect… and I must remember how animals stop and really rest and what I see in my students- that they MUST stop and really have moments with gravity or it gets pushed, dead ends, etc… what does it get exactly? Good question

WATCH STUDENTS WHEN THEY DO NOT DROP INTO GRAVITY

I know that when they do have a good relationship with gravity- it goes deeper, stays real and affects the observer more
And more range of emotion… I can still feel how gravity is tough for me… skin ok, breath, yes, muscular skeletal yes, blood- varies… when I do feel it – it can be very intense- almost too much (heart especially) capillaries in upper body fairly accessible

So much tension in my body- what I am feeling feels accurate and real- like I am really in me- so not always easy… at times I can feel the knowledge in my body from the movement history… other times I feel my present dead body zone- both hard
Former feels lost and long away and never fully recoverable with this new healthier perspective, the other feels so real and insurmountable… but these are just my ‘mind ‘reflecting/responding to the felt sense
really inside this place when I do not look at myself externally with minds eye or real eyes
I feel like an animal- alive, healthy, even beautiful-
It is disorienting to come back to my view of myself… which is ‘old, fat, ugly’
Because internally it does not feel that way
Although I can feel the fat- it feels like – too many sweaters on my body that get in the way…
Hard to not get goal oriented… less of it today though
Not sure if this is good or bad- but trying to stay in the moment with the felt sense

Questions from today:

How does breathing really affect adrenaline- the details – I know it slows production of- but how?