Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Joshua Tree National Park Day 2 Oct 11/10

Today I hiked for 4 hours

(look carefully here you will see petroglyphs, and you can see them thanks to a movie crew who painted over them to make them visible... vandalism really)

had a great prayer/meditation session way out alone in the desert- probably the main reason I come here... I can cry/pray/move outdoors alone... well, not alone if you count the rocks... and the lizards... they are everywhere

I got quite lost I thought (even though I could hear the road... so I was not worried) and then appeared after an hour of scrambling around in the rocks, in site of my car but nowhere near the trail head... then on another long trail where I was completely alone and could hear nothing but the sound of the crows flying and my own feet crunching the sand... after 1.5 hrs of hiking into this gorgeous site (Pine City), again I was exploring and thought I might be lost... and was scared for a moment then began making arrows with rocks for my self so i could find my way back... once back on the trail, and relieved I wondered if I have outgrown this need to scare myself... I don't think I do it on purpose on these trips... but in the desert here a lot of the trails do feel like... make your own adventure and the washes can look a lot like trails at times... but in any case... somehow this feels like a good thing. Not in the extreme- I did that racing buses in Montreal when I was young on my bike- that was stupid adrenaline addiction... but this? this mild, walking alone in the desert (wisely mostly) this feels like... something healthy, something that allows me to push the boundaries in my head too... I am challenging myself about who I am... sure I am a Baha'i- but how really? and why? and can I deepen that... and sure I am a theatre artist- but I could be anything really... right now specifically a writer, or a mover- which exactly and in what doses? and sure I am a teacher- but do I still want to be training people for this crazy industry that I am less and less interested in? Do I really want to keep doing all the work it takes to keep working in this art form that seems so thankless? What do I really want to be teaching? and it goes on and on- this wash or that trail, stop or keep walking... it is all the same question and the tangible nature of this place makes it easier to focus than the circles I walk in in my head- so instead I am out here walking in circles in the desert... it's just prettier here than in my head!

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