from private work Jan 18th

Finding my healthy animal:
Jan 18th-

As I was waking up…I just focused deeply on releasing the back of my neck as I was very aware of tension on the verge of pain there. I was very warm and could feel my blood system pretty completely. Took me some time but was able to release the back of the neck and then could feel my face go through some involuntary habitual tension patterns- unraveling. It was only the beginning- but was able to sit with it and watch the facial patterns emerge with truly no doing… then they let go at one point, then it happened again. I very much wanted to move down through the spine but there was so much undoing right there in the neck that I couldn’t really go past that. I had to work very hard to keep my awareness on the back of the neck to maintain that release. The pain in my feet- as usual when I wake (Plantar Faciatis) was at medium level and I was waiting to see if there was a time I could shift- but I did not. It all was mostly proprioceptive versus kinesthetic listening, but there were moments of shifting posture- but very small. I was able to work within the posture I was in. Once I was very present I could use the breath intentionally to release (which felt more active) and this was wonderful. I then focused on the Greatest Name internally- no vocalization. I had the image of painting Ya Baha’u’l’abha on the inside of two round coaches curved towards each other- then I moved that image to writing it on the inside of my body- I could not get too specific with this image- the coach was stronger. I could feel the body as one thing for just a brief time- a reminder that maybe I did not have to deal with the feet directly- but could use the release in one area to be the release in all areas. I have a cold- head congestion and massive tension from holding the space as a director/teacher/mom these days. So letting go of the neck was likely the ideal place to work and I did not seem to have a choice anyway and I was having some success. As I write, I can feel the neck tension coming back- but can still feel the pleasure of the body as one thing (throbbing blood system, ears gently ringing). I sense that if I keep my breathing alive and full- that I will maintain a very tiny bit of this as a whole body release- even if the neck tension comes back.

LEARNINGS:

It was very helpful to be warm. Which the past few days I have been thinking about. That starting back in to the work I must be comfortable and warm to begin.

Waking up I could feel my blood system completely without having to do anything.

QUESTIONS:

I forgot to allow the breath to enter consciously when I began and I am not sure if I can undo whilst doing the breath- and if waiting until I am fully undoing somewhere first is best before I start to have more active breath awareness and doing.